We’re going on a bear hunt…

There is a school of thought that believes you have to identify an individual’s weaknesses and try to fix this. Assist the person to become a ‘complete’/perfect individual. However, research shows that if you would focus on the individual’s strengths, the overall improvement in performance would be double what it would have been focussing on the weaknesses. The obvious choice would then be to…?

Not to sound patronising, it is like the response in those banking ads. The presenter asks: “Why are you choosing this bank?”. And the response: “Are you serious?! ”

Yet, we generally still have a societal focus on weaknesses, not strengths. I am not suggesting we deny the obvious development areas, especially if there are high risks linked to it. What I am saying is, we have to find ways to overcome our limitations, not deny them.

My dad comes from the insurance industry, so I grew up with ‘risk management’ as a theme. I know that if you focus on the risks, you can easily become anxious. This is often visible in performance when someone receives criticism. If the negative feedback is not positioned in a constructive way, the performance will be worse, not better.

When people become scared to admit their weaknesses, they hide them, lie about them, and blame others. In a team this could be disastrous. I find myself doing a lot of senior management team development work - assisting in creating a ‘safe space’ where team members can talk about their own limitations, and as a collective figure out ways to move around them.

Personally I was in denial of a technology related limitation for a long, long time. I was exceptionally creative in finding ways around this, compensating for this in, let’s just say interesting (read ‘really stupid’), ways. It was only when a client in a meeting looked at my black book with a thousand tags and just shook his head, that the penny dropped for me. What I would call a “Development Area” was not just to wake up to technological possibilities, but to move through the fear of the unknown, maybe to struggle initially. When I now look back at this, I cannot imagine not dealing with this limitation.

I love reading Going on a bear hunt to my kids. Michael Rosen has taken an old children's rhyme, and turned it into a picture book. The repetitive line when spotting an obstruction/limitation says it all: “We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!”

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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Childlike

I am sure you will be able to share funny stories of where you really came up with interesting and very creative ways to solve a problem. As a child, a friend’s brilliant idea of drilling holes in a dry wall in their home (– to peek through when someone enters the door – obviously!) was not met with much appreciation from his dad.

Problem-solving in my view is the basis of being creative. There are lots of research out there that proves adults become worse at this, not better – which is actually ironic. As adults we are constantly faced with challenging situations – the perfect opportunity to become more and more creative – excel at problem-solving. And then (ironically) we hardly come up with new or creative ways to fix or better a situation. It is usually a ‘same old, same old’ approach.

This reminds me of one of Einstein’s (Mr. Super Creative) infamous quotes: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

So the next time I want to respond to some of my kids plans with: “You’re crazy!”, I will remember to rather say: “Please come up with a different solution.”

I heard an interesting story today (involving vuvuzelas) of a management team that found a very creative way to motivate staff in a production environment. This business had a massive backlog to catch up in a very short period of time, and the team were able to create a phenomenally successful motivation strategy to fix the problem.

Sometimes someone just have to be brave enough to share the outrageous idea. I heard another story of a unique publishing business that was established due to doors closing and markets changing. A group of impacted scientists (non-publishers) came together and out of pure passion created a thriving extraordinary publishing business – and at the same time saving their favorite publication.

I love stories like these, it restores my faith in humanity. Ordinary people coming up with extra-ordinary solutions, co-creating. What is not to celebrate?

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Counting sheep … sleeps!

This time of the year is usually when we have a build-up or backlog of work, and not enough time – which generally causes stress. Coupled with that, most people I encounter are exhausted and counting the sleeps to their vacation break.

With this tiredness without resting time at the front of mind, I came across interesting information on how the brain functions in such taxing times. Two main things, the first: a research study with monkeys showed that the brain literally shrinks when it is put under stress. I am sure our human brain’s functionality are not too far removed from the monkeys, and we can safely assume a similar thing would happen to us. Our brains shrink, i.e. cannot think clearly or do creative problem solving when we are stressed.

Without the monkey study I am pretty sure you knew we (humans) do not think well when stressed. Just think of exam experiences – “hitting a blank”. The moment you opened the exam paper you could not even remember your own name, let alone all the stuff you studied for the exam you were taking.

The second interesting thing was that when we are tired, we tend to be more creative in comparison with when we are fresh. So the brain filters distractions when it is not exhausted, and these distractions are often part of the creative resources. Long story short, when you are tired you are more likely to come up with creative ideas. I suppose it makes sense, when you relax in the bath or shower after a long day, ideas and solutions come very easily.

Our current challenge would then be, how do we remove the stress so our brains do not shrink, and how do we allow the brain tiredness to give us bright ideas to deal with our year-end challenges?

These are some suggestions: Try not to own the stress. Breathe. Do something you love, be it fishing, painting, cycling or whatever – the thing that will give your brain a chance to give you the good stuff.

And of course, keep counting the sleeps…

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Balancing act

‘Collaboration’ is such a buzz word. Everybody wants to or is collaborating with everybody else. The Spirit of Collaboration. It sounds very whole and healthy.

When people are thrown in the same pot to ‘collaborate’, it does not always feel (or function) very healthy. In fact, it can be tremendously painful. People bring different things, good and bad. The biggest challenge is possibly to figure out how we can create a space or an agreement where we can collaborate effectively: have win-win outcomes. I love working with other people – everybody bringing their own stuff to the party. However, it can be very difficult to get the ‘working together’ to actually work. For everybody. Equally.

I see it very often where different parties are not equally represented in a conversation or informal negotiation. The reason being not necessarily that the value add to the conversation is lopsided or even the ‘air time’ not shared, but rather the positioning of the contribution being poor. I know this sounds strange. Let me explain: Person A is super confident, clear on what the conversation outcomes should be, fluent in the language used, knows the related lingo. Person B is highly insecure for whatever reason, struggles to express thoughts, feelings, ideas clearly. It is obvious that regardless of the contribution of Person B, it will be much easier (and possibly faster) for Person A to create a ‘winning conversation’ for him/herself. Collaboration in essence implies win-win relationships, deals, conversations.  The challenge for Person A is therefore not only to (often unknowingly) not dominate the outcomes – by selling and positioning the outcomes in such a way that it suits him/her perfectly, but Person B is highly misrepresented. The challenge is also to get the strengths, contribution and value add out of Person B, in spite of him/herself.

During a workshop on a related topic last week, a delegate made the comment that it is not his (typical Person A persona) responsibility to ensure the ‘other insecure person’/Person B communicates properly. Really? So can you honestly say you are collaborating? I think not.

I know this is not easy, and it often creates a lot of frustration and resentment – this thing of people not expressing themselves in a way that it is easy to have win-win situations. There are many collaboration tools and techniques out there. I suppose all of them could help. What works for me is constantly checking-in, reflecting what was said/understood, asking for clarification, rechecking understanding again. Then we are collaborating.

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Labels...

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

-- Gandhi

This quote from Gandhi is very powerful and most of us have consciously experienced it in our own lives. Yet we so often get trapped in our own labelling or self-talk which, if we are completely honest, is definitely not serving us.

I have been missioning with my eldest child to change a self-belief or label he has adopted, and damn it it has been hard work. I suppose partly because he does not really see his mom's issue/motivation and partly because he thinks: "If others (not my mom) says so, it must be true".

I had a similar 'moment' earlier this week - getting isolated feedback from an individual at a client. It is so easy to create a perception that a momentarily flaky opinion is the reality and accurate experience by the collective. Which is not necessarily the case. We have to be so careful which opinions and perceptions we allow our minds to engrave.

Let me put it in another way: A once-off happening, whether it is a mistake/opinion/triumph does not have to mean anything. You do not have to claim the label of being bad or a looser or whatever.

Not too long ago I met with remote staff of a client. When the client took me back to the airport I shared my observations and concerns about some of the exclusions that I have noticed. I considered various prejudices, suspecting that the behaviour could likely be subconsciously etcetera etcetera. Not phased at all by my opinion, the client said: "You are over-estimating us, I guarantee you these guys are quite clueless about these things!" And he was probably right. It was probably the individuals' own issues/labels, and not the group's.

I see this often, if not daily, in group situations where individuals put themselves in a category and behave according to their self-chosen label - assuming the group also see them in that way. Most of the time the group is oblivious to the self-label.

So the question to ask is: What labels are you claiming for yourself?

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Empower yourself

When you go to bed very early just to get to the next day, you know you had a rough one. Or if you start wondering by Wednesday whether the Blue Monday will finally end today. Multiple challenging events in a short period of time.

I do not know if it is in the stars or the moon, or the stage of life, or the time of year, but I am finding people around me, and myself, are going through hectic stuff without a lot of energy to deal with it. Or even worse, the wrong kind of energy to deal with it. So now, reminiscing on how to empower yourself when things are not working for you, I find it quite challenging as I have recently been reminded how difficult it can be.

I have recently been exposed to and had head on collisions with two very disempowering situations: exclusion and abuse (emotional in this case). Both these behaviours are typical bullying behaviours, which indicates poor self-esteem. I know this, in my head, but my heart still feels the hurt when it happens to me or if I see it around me.

This is visible everywhere: with clients, where someone is excluded purposefully from meetings or teams (even though a very sensible reason may be presented at the time). It still hurts the excluded one. Or snappy comments, maybe coming from a place of frustration or insecurity. It is still abusive. With my kids I see it all the time, the two year old baby sister crying at the boys’ room – not allowed in. The hurt of exclusion.

I am not dissing any of the reasons for exclusion or the ‘excuses’ for the momentarily bad behaviours. I get them all. But what the disempowered person can do about it - that should be the focus. Throwing a super tantrum in front of the boardroom door to be let in might be, let’s say, “career limiting behaviour” (as appealing as it may sound!). Or swearing at or even slapping the abusive colleague or husband of a friend is also not ideal…

A line learnt from a retired business partner goes like this: “This is not working for me..” – realising the disempowerment or need to change the situation. And the second part: “… so what can I do?” Believe me, the answers will pop up. And more often than not one of the most empowering things to do, is simply to walk away.

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Making Rules Work

When people talk about rebels, or rebellious behaviour as a negative, I find it so amusing. This is of course because conforming has always been a personal challenge. I wish I knew why, then at least it could have been less painful growing up – struggling to conform, follow the rules, fit into the system.

I am very aware of the risk of how this could sound. In my view a rule, for the sake of having a rule, has just never been something that you have to follow. It is optional. As you can imagine this mindset leaves plenty of room for failure.

During the school holidays my Grade 1 child had a homework project that he had to complete. When I asked him on his plan to making this happen, his reply was: “Don’t worry mom, it is optional.” I think not.

Being able to manoeuvre rules and systems to work for us, is a skillset I often see (or the lack thereof) with clients. For some people it comes very naturally – spotting opportunities for creativity in spite of (or because of!) the rule or system limitations. Please note: I am not advocating doing illegal stuff, not at all. I am wondering how you get people to see the rule/box and then work with it to such an extent that it starts working for you.

My IT guy has figured this out. In database design, if the current rules are not serving the developer, they simply create a new rule that will do the trick. My kids have tried this with our family “rules” as well, creating addendums to the norm. This is in the form of very cleverly worded qualifying circumstances and subsequent consequences.

Some very successful businesses base their whole business model on the weakness of another’s rule, law, contract, system, etc. The limitations of the box we all so desperately try to fit into. I applaud these guys (or most of them at least.) A display of the creative human spirit at work, fantastic!

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Be positive. Period.

This week's blog has been particularly tough to write. Not because I do not see myself as positive, far from it. I am super-duper positive...

Okay fine, I am not in the Pollyanna and Noddy category, but I would not describe myself as sceptic, pessimistic or negative. A client even called me 'realistic' this week, which in some people's view is very close to cynical. He meant 'not idealistic'.

So here is the challenge I am grappling with: the positive vs. the negative. All of it, energy,  influences, vibes, personas, auras, you name it - the stuff people project, say, do. All of it.

In my daily dealings with hectically heavy emotions and complex loaded decisions, I do find it tough. How do you manage the stuff we see, feel, experience - consciously or not? How do you ensure you do not get sucked in? Or as a wise client put it, how do you not lose your joy?

There are lots of research done on the effect of positive/negative energy on groups, organisations and business, and then subsequently on the bottom-line. So apart from the obvious reason to 'protect' yourself and actively manage your own state or mind-set, it is phenomenally important to business success.

I was a little amused earlier this week when a comment was made that my reaction towards the disciplinary behaviour of a colleague at a client was "unexpectedly harsh". You see, people often see my role as soft, bringing the empathy, feeling and support. And yes, that is part of it, but I cannot tolerate non-contributive negativity. It is just bad. Negativity sucks the life out of everything: individuals taking initiative, team cohesiveness, a collaborative culture. Everything.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not talking about having to deal with difficult and uncomfortable emotions. As taxing as that might be, it serves a purpose. It is usually very necessary. It contributes. Negativity does not contribute. It blames, complains, stirs without contribution. It is toxic.

Now that I have said my bit, here is what you could do about negativity: If it is your mind-set - stop and change. If it is around you - get out, avoid it, protect yourself, change it. But allowing it is destructive, and that is unacceptable.

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Engage with change

When my husband really wants me to understand something, he starts using my consulting lingo - words like 'engage' and 'unpack’ and ‘emotionally taxing’'. You know, very mushy concepts trying to sound less mushy. And yes, mushy is a proper word too...

Doing what I do, I hear all the change related clichés almost daily: "The more things change, the more it stays the same"; "They/he/she/it/the country will never change". And a nice acceptance one: "A change is as good as a holiday".

I usually explain change in this way: If you think change, think loss. Initially it sounds weird, but if you compare the process of acceptance of severe loss to acceptance of change, there are lots of similarities. Also, it helps you understand the change pain better.

The other good thing about change is that we become 'change fit'. And all the sporties reading this think: "Really?!". Yes, really. We measure change readiness as part of the culture survey, and it is very easy to spot a group or team that deals with change often -those pockets that have all the necessary coping strategies in place to embrace change quickly and effectively.

However, like with fitness, you have different kinds of fitness. I can do yoga for hours on end, but ask me to run up a few flights of stairs and I want to pass out. Similarly your team may be able to adapt very quickly to daily changes, but larger longer term change may throw them off completely.

The other interesting dynamic in change management is that we often underestimate change. As a leader you may implement something that in your mind is minute, but the people around you are completely not buying into it, and then you wonder: "What's that about? This is really not a big deal!"

On a personal level, dealing with change is just as unpredictable. Similarly to the loss acceptance process, when dealing with change our emotions jump quite unexpectedly from anger/frustration/resistance, (back) to denial, and then possibly to moments of complete acceptance and participation within the change. Then again to the sadness/depression/disengagement state. And that is okay.

I could share with you lots of stories of how different organisations approached changes such as new IT systems, different tendering strategies, sections in a business becoming cost centres, management shuffles, restructuring, etc. etc. To spot the change around us is not that difficult. To understand and see where you are deep within the change, now that my friend, is a different story. Because if you could just see it, you could manage the change 'pain'. 

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Gripping stuff, I tell ya!

When I hit my lowest of lows in my parenting 'career' earlier this week, I started thinking about purpose and passion. I absolutely totally love, love, love my kids. Please do not get me wrong. I just know that parenting is not where I do my best work.

I am not even sure purpose is a prerequisite to proper parenting. So I must admit I do feel highly intimidated and pretty useless when I see and listen how some other people do it. These are mostly moms that have chosen parenting as their thing - they are passionate about it (I mean you can hear it in the way they debate and talk about stuff that can just not hold my attention) and they see it as their life purpose. Awesome!

Personally, being a mom is part of my identity, but my personal vision holds more than that. I believe there are reasons for our existence. A contribution to be made. What exactly this looks like, changes, but the direction is clear. As clear as I am hoping my morning flight's female pilot is about our destination. Still not an everyday career for a woman, I am sure she had to overcome countless challenges to live her passion and make her personal vision a reality.

I had an amazing 'bon voyage lunch' yesterday with a long term client on her way to Geneva. Set to influence large scale international environmental and political challenges. Living her passion and purpose, another step in realising her personal vision.

It is not just the girls that ponder on this, and refocus their efforts. I see it daily, phenomenal male business leaders, engineers, writers, you name it - checking that they are still personal purpose driven and at the end of the day making a difference. Contributing. What this picture entails is what I find fascinating. The individual's end goal and total beingness and how that fits the business vision and organisational mix, I love that. Being able to influence that is where I contribute, and get my kick, my fix. Now that to me is gripping stuff, my passion, my thing. What is yours?

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Level up!

Consulting in the OD (organisation development) space automatically implies talking about learning and personal growth opportunities, development areas, sometimes studying. In general: bettering yourself. Looking at ways to increase and improve your contribution, and of course weighing up your contribution and what it is worth.

If someone indicates that he/she is keen to formally study something, whether it is a diploma, certificate or degree of some sort, I am always keen to understand why? What is the motivation behind this? Is it an ego thing, or self-confidence issue – meaning this person needs to have the qualification to feel heard, or validated or to be able to intimidate? Or what is the real need behind it?

On the other hand, if the person is not keen to study, or do a course or training, or any sort of self-development, I find it even more challenging! What is the motive here? Does this person honestly think he/she knows enough, sufficiently, everything there is to know? If so, there is an even bigger ‘ego thing’ at play, or self-confidence issue brewing.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not implying that we all need to continuously attend courses, seminars or workshop, left right and centre. I just think, be open to a learning opportunity – whatever the format.

Obviously there are also levels, or depths of learning, to consider as this influence the contribution. At the end of the day it is the application of the learning that is critical. What sometimes scares me is when I see very senior people in organisations firstly not being open to learning, and secondly not being able to use the learning. The person would pass the recollection or recognition phase, and even the comprehension and understanding phase of learning, but that is it. No application. No further thought.  No contribution. And that is just sad, and if I may – a waste. Even more so if there is so much potential or talent to contribute.

The irony is that the contribution/creative/innovative phase is available or open for all, but it takes something else than perceived intelligence. So it is not just about the course, or MBA, or PhD. I like what Albert Einstein said: “Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think.”

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It's all about the money...

Not!

I have a client that has a saying (his dad's): "Men fight about two things: the one is women..." And the other? Money, of course. As much as I do not particularly want to talk about financial or economic worth and the relation to self worth, we would be ignoring the elephant in the room.

I mostly work in the private sector, where shareholding (read dividends), directorship (read status and power), bonuses and salaries are critical. Reward and recognition. This is all just dandy - great basic motivational tools. Where I get my knickers in a twist is when the remuneration stuff is directly linked to the personal development stuff.

The reason? People lie about their development needs, true feelings, real contribution and personal aspirations when they know it is linked to da mulla. Please note: I do not blame them at all. We all, always, want more money, whether in the form of dividends, bonuses or salary increases. The more money, the merrier.

Over the weekend I facilitated a workshop on self worth. What made this session interesting was that this was a group of women, mostly unemployed, but contributing tremendously to various communities and upliftment initiatives. In this instance the value of their contribution had no economic value for them. In my view their self value and self worth were mostly quite high, regardless of the lack of remuneration.

On the other side of the coin, in business or society, we often see people feeling inferior or over confident/arrogant because of their financial standing. Status and often power are being linked to financial wealth. The part that gets to me is when poor self worth leads to poor economic worth. In other words, you are not being paid fairly (market related, contribution related) because you, in essence, think that this is what you deserve.

Please do not storm into your manager's office after reading this and demand that increase because, like the L'Oreal ladies, 'you are worth it'! You might well be, my point is just that there could be a link between lack of self worth and lack of appropriate financial reward. And if it needs fixing, it needs fixing.

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Looking good, feeling great!

During our carefree varsity days we used to say this all the time. Now, sleep deprived, often over extended, far less groomed, I find it not so easy to say.

While putting lipstick on one morning on our way to school (and work) one of the kids wanted to know 'why on earth would you put that stuff on your face?!' I explained that it makes me look a little prettier. The response: 'Really? You don't need it mom.' Well trained, hey?

I do believe beauty comes from within, and don't judge a book by it's cover, etc. etc. However, physical appearance makes a difference, whether we like it or not. It affects our confidence, mood, and whether we are indeed 'feeling great!'

In my line of work I am privileged to meet lots of different people of all ages, shapes and sizes with a variety of circumstances, attributes and histories. In my view 'looking good' has very little to do with any of that. It is something else. Something people sense, or feel drawn to, maybe something people see in you they can connect with.

Still, I do not want to underplay the importance of looking after yourself, because people notice that stuff. So maybe enquiring the help of a professional to assess your current 'visual state of affairs' is not such a bad idea after all. Or even being open to a fresh, funky new hairstyle (or even beard-style, however the case may be) could really give you some spunk.

I went to a kiddies party recently where there were quite a few interesting looking characters. While staring (sorry, this was quite extreme), I heard a comment from another party goer - 'Do some people not have mirrors?'

Personally, I love seeing uniqueness and character in personal appearance. And I know that it can be just as limiting or off-putting to over groom as it is to look a bit off. Somewhere between being your best comfortable self, and not underutilising your physical strengths, lays your ideal image.

Who knows, maybe now is a great time to try something new or even bold? (Pun intended.)

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Adults only

Mature. Immature. Premature.

I have been pondering over these three words, mostly due to my exposure to the clash of the mature and the immature.

In my experience you find mature or evolved organisations (the internal workings, the people behaviour, the culture of a business). And then you find those businesses that are infant-like. Immature.

The thing with culture is that it is very much driven by the leaders, similar to a family set-up. Depending on the values and style of the parents/leaders, they will consciously or not decide on the accepted behaviours and norms, creating a mature or immature (or something in between) work space.

So where does the conflict come from? We are after all adults... I wish!

As much as it is a daily struggle to help my kids see that it is their responsibility to look after their stuff, do their homework and chores, in essence 'take ownership', it is a very similar challenge managers face.

And just for the record, in the adult world maturity is not necessarily related to age, experience or qualifications. It is a mind-set.

Also, I know that 'immature' organisations can really frustrate 'mature' staff. In these environments the leaders set autocratic and controlling parameters. They say (or think) things like: "You are here to do as you are told" - read: "Do not think, ask questions, or use initiative."

The result in the long run? A highly frustrated, under-utilised workforce.

Yes, I know the risk of over-exposing staff prematurely is just as bad. Timing is a challenge. It is very tricky, maybe even an art, knowing when to let go. To trust. Like with kids, you have to step back at some point, and also let them face the consequences or maybe, with a little luck, let them enjoy the success.

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Keep it real, man!

I was shocked and saddened when a friend shared how she witnessed and fell victim to terrible, unethical choices a very senior business leader made in a large corporate. I know that horrible things like this happen all the time. And when you do not see it coming, it is much more upsetting.

During her interview and experiences at the company the perception was created that this leader was, in fact, a true leader. She was completely motivated, had belonging and felt stimulated. It was only when the head honcho had to make a moral decision that he failed. Miserably.

Admittedly it was devastating when his true colours became clear. The dilemma that my friend was faced with, was that now her own values, morals and ethics were not matching her leader’s. And subsequently the business culture’s.

In another conversation with a client, he expressed his frustrations with some of his senior management colleagues that are ‘pretending’. Not being authentic. Not being real.

Personally I have more time for someone that is real - knowingly and openly ‘not perfect’ - than for someone that are either pretending/faking it or still in denial about who or what they really are. In other words, they are not even aware that they are being pretentious.

As amusing as it can be to watch the games of the ‘pretentia’ (as my husband calls this group), when under pressure, it can be quite irritating to deal with.

Ayn Rand wrote it so beautifully in The Fountainhead:

"To sell your soul is the easiest thing in the world. That's what everybody does every hour of his life. If I asked you to keep your soul - would you understand why that's much harder?"

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