Balancing act

‘Collaboration’ is such a buzz word. Everybody wants to or is collaborating with everybody else. The Spirit of Collaboration. It sounds very whole and healthy.

When people are thrown in the same pot to ‘collaborate’, it does not always feel (or function) very healthy. In fact, it can be tremendously painful. People bring different things, good and bad. The biggest challenge is possibly to figure out how we can create a space or an agreement where we can collaborate effectively: have win-win outcomes. I love working with other people – everybody bringing their own stuff to the party. However, it can be very difficult to get the ‘working together’ to actually work. For everybody. Equally.

I see it very often where different parties are not equally represented in a conversation or informal negotiation. The reason being not necessarily that the value add to the conversation is lopsided or even the ‘air time’ not shared, but rather the positioning of the contribution being poor. I know this sounds strange. Let me explain: Person A is super confident, clear on what the conversation outcomes should be, fluent in the language used, knows the related lingo. Person B is highly insecure for whatever reason, struggles to express thoughts, feelings, ideas clearly. It is obvious that regardless of the contribution of Person B, it will be much easier (and possibly faster) for Person A to create a ‘winning conversation’ for him/herself. Collaboration in essence implies win-win relationships, deals, conversations.  The challenge for Person A is therefore not only to (often unknowingly) not dominate the outcomes – by selling and positioning the outcomes in such a way that it suits him/her perfectly, but Person B is highly misrepresented. The challenge is also to get the strengths, contribution and value add out of Person B, in spite of him/herself.

During a workshop on a related topic last week, a delegate made the comment that it is not his (typical Person A persona) responsibility to ensure the ‘other insecure person’/Person B communicates properly. Really? So can you honestly say you are collaborating? I think not.

I know this is not easy, and it often creates a lot of frustration and resentment – this thing of people not expressing themselves in a way that it is easy to have win-win situations. There are many collaboration tools and techniques out there. I suppose all of them could help. What works for me is constantly checking-in, reflecting what was said/understood, asking for clarification, rechecking understanding again. Then we are collaborating.

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V 
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