Trust me, I'm a doctor
Relationships
have always fascinated me. All of them.
I recently
visited the online dating scene for the first time ever. No, it was not for me,
it was with/for a friend that went through a yucky divorce and has not yet been
'back in the game'. And...Oh my word!
What an
experience that was! I absolutely loved how you could assess all the stats, the
vitals on the prospects. Scan through the write-up and the face for anything
that would not work for her. Very practical and efficient indeed.
What really
amazed me was to see how quickly people would completely open up without
meeting in person. Trusting enough to share. Please keep in mind that we are
not talking about that generation -
the generation that can bare their souls on Facebook or on their BB statuses.
In a
conversation with another friend, she shared with me the challenges she faces
with her very fresh teenager (just turned 13). Her daughter could share her
most intimate feelings and thoughts with anyone online, but when her mom would
bring it into their conversation it was too intimate - breaking the trust.
That baffled
me. She felt safe enough to put herself out there for anyone and everyone to
know her stuff, but she could not really talk about it. I suppose it is
probably the same thing that happens with these online guys who share their
secrets and desires with someone they only have a blurred photo and some pretty
words of.
In my work I
often have to facilitate mentorship conversations precisely for that reason -
we have to build trust, quickly. Or rather enough
trust so the mentee feels safe to share and is open to receive input from the
mentor. So maybe that process works so well, precisely for that reason - we want to trust, feel safe and belong.
Lao Tzu says
it so well: “He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted”.
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