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"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

-- Gandhi

This quote from Gandhi is very powerful and most of us have consciously experienced it in our own lives. Yet we so often get trapped in our own labelling or self-talk which, if we are completely honest, is definitely not serving us.

I have been missioning with my eldest child to change a self-belief or label he has adopted, and damn it it has been hard work. I suppose partly because he does not really see his mom's issue/motivation and partly because he thinks: "If others (not my mom) says so, it must be true".

I had a similar 'moment' earlier this week - getting isolated feedback from an individual at a client. It is so easy to create a perception that a momentarily flaky opinion is the reality and accurate experience by the collective. Which is not necessarily the case. We have to be so careful which opinions and perceptions we allow our minds to engrave.

Let me put it in another way: A once-off happening, whether it is a mistake/opinion/triumph does not have to mean anything. You do not have to claim the label of being bad or a looser or whatever.

Not too long ago I met with remote staff of a client. When the client took me back to the airport I shared my observations and concerns about some of the exclusions that I have noticed. I considered various prejudices, suspecting that the behaviour could likely be subconsciously etcetera etcetera. Not phased at all by my opinion, the client said: "You are over-estimating us, I guarantee you these guys are quite clueless about these things!" And he was probably right. It was probably the individuals' own issues/labels, and not the group's.

I see this often, if not daily, in group situations where individuals put themselves in a category and behave according to their self-chosen label - assuming the group also see them in that way. Most of the time the group is oblivious to the self-label.

So the question to ask is: What labels are you claiming for yourself?

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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Empower yourself

When you go to bed very early just to get to the next day, you know you had a rough one. Or if you start wondering by Wednesday whether the Blue Monday will finally end today. Multiple challenging events in a short period of time.

I do not know if it is in the stars or the moon, or the stage of life, or the time of year, but I am finding people around me, and myself, are going through hectic stuff without a lot of energy to deal with it. Or even worse, the wrong kind of energy to deal with it. So now, reminiscing on how to empower yourself when things are not working for you, I find it quite challenging as I have recently been reminded how difficult it can be.

I have recently been exposed to and had head on collisions with two very disempowering situations: exclusion and abuse (emotional in this case). Both these behaviours are typical bullying behaviours, which indicates poor self-esteem. I know this, in my head, but my heart still feels the hurt when it happens to me or if I see it around me.

This is visible everywhere: with clients, where someone is excluded purposefully from meetings or teams (even though a very sensible reason may be presented at the time). It still hurts the excluded one. Or snappy comments, maybe coming from a place of frustration or insecurity. It is still abusive. With my kids I see it all the time, the two year old baby sister crying at the boys’ room – not allowed in. The hurt of exclusion.

I am not dissing any of the reasons for exclusion or the ‘excuses’ for the momentarily bad behaviours. I get them all. But what the disempowered person can do about it - that should be the focus. Throwing a super tantrum in front of the boardroom door to be let in might be, let’s say, “career limiting behaviour” (as appealing as it may sound!). Or swearing at or even slapping the abusive colleague or husband of a friend is also not ideal…

A line learnt from a retired business partner goes like this: “This is not working for me..” – realising the disempowerment or need to change the situation. And the second part: “… so what can I do?” Believe me, the answers will pop up. And more often than not one of the most empowering things to do, is simply to walk away.

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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Making Rules Work

When people talk about rebels, or rebellious behaviour as a negative, I find it so amusing. This is of course because conforming has always been a personal challenge. I wish I knew why, then at least it could have been less painful growing up – struggling to conform, follow the rules, fit into the system.

I am very aware of the risk of how this could sound. In my view a rule, for the sake of having a rule, has just never been something that you have to follow. It is optional. As you can imagine this mindset leaves plenty of room for failure.

During the school holidays my Grade 1 child had a homework project that he had to complete. When I asked him on his plan to making this happen, his reply was: “Don’t worry mom, it is optional.” I think not.

Being able to manoeuvre rules and systems to work for us, is a skillset I often see (or the lack thereof) with clients. For some people it comes very naturally – spotting opportunities for creativity in spite of (or because of!) the rule or system limitations. Please note: I am not advocating doing illegal stuff, not at all. I am wondering how you get people to see the rule/box and then work with it to such an extent that it starts working for you.

My IT guy has figured this out. In database design, if the current rules are not serving the developer, they simply create a new rule that will do the trick. My kids have tried this with our family “rules” as well, creating addendums to the norm. This is in the form of very cleverly worded qualifying circumstances and subsequent consequences.

Some very successful businesses base their whole business model on the weakness of another’s rule, law, contract, system, etc. The limitations of the box we all so desperately try to fit into. I applaud these guys (or most of them at least.) A display of the creative human spirit at work, fantastic!

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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Be positive. Period.

This week's blog has been particularly tough to write. Not because I do not see myself as positive, far from it. I am super-duper positive...

Okay fine, I am not in the Pollyanna and Noddy category, but I would not describe myself as sceptic, pessimistic or negative. A client even called me 'realistic' this week, which in some people's view is very close to cynical. He meant 'not idealistic'.

So here is the challenge I am grappling with: the positive vs. the negative. All of it, energy,  influences, vibes, personas, auras, you name it - the stuff people project, say, do. All of it.

In my daily dealings with hectically heavy emotions and complex loaded decisions, I do find it tough. How do you manage the stuff we see, feel, experience - consciously or not? How do you ensure you do not get sucked in? Or as a wise client put it, how do you not lose your joy?

There are lots of research done on the effect of positive/negative energy on groups, organisations and business, and then subsequently on the bottom-line. So apart from the obvious reason to 'protect' yourself and actively manage your own state or mind-set, it is phenomenally important to business success.

I was a little amused earlier this week when a comment was made that my reaction towards the disciplinary behaviour of a colleague at a client was "unexpectedly harsh". You see, people often see my role as soft, bringing the empathy, feeling and support. And yes, that is part of it, but I cannot tolerate non-contributive negativity. It is just bad. Negativity sucks the life out of everything: individuals taking initiative, team cohesiveness, a collaborative culture. Everything.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not talking about having to deal with difficult and uncomfortable emotions. As taxing as that might be, it serves a purpose. It is usually very necessary. It contributes. Negativity does not contribute. It blames, complains, stirs without contribution. It is toxic.

Now that I have said my bit, here is what you could do about negativity: If it is your mind-set - stop and change. If it is around you - get out, avoid it, protect yourself, change it. But allowing it is destructive, and that is unacceptable.

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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Engage with change

When my husband really wants me to understand something, he starts using my consulting lingo - words like 'engage' and 'unpack’ and ‘emotionally taxing’'. You know, very mushy concepts trying to sound less mushy. And yes, mushy is a proper word too...

Doing what I do, I hear all the change related clichés almost daily: "The more things change, the more it stays the same"; "They/he/she/it/the country will never change". And a nice acceptance one: "A change is as good as a holiday".

I usually explain change in this way: If you think change, think loss. Initially it sounds weird, but if you compare the process of acceptance of severe loss to acceptance of change, there are lots of similarities. Also, it helps you understand the change pain better.

The other good thing about change is that we become 'change fit'. And all the sporties reading this think: "Really?!". Yes, really. We measure change readiness as part of the culture survey, and it is very easy to spot a group or team that deals with change often -those pockets that have all the necessary coping strategies in place to embrace change quickly and effectively.

However, like with fitness, you have different kinds of fitness. I can do yoga for hours on end, but ask me to run up a few flights of stairs and I want to pass out. Similarly your team may be able to adapt very quickly to daily changes, but larger longer term change may throw them off completely.

The other interesting dynamic in change management is that we often underestimate change. As a leader you may implement something that in your mind is minute, but the people around you are completely not buying into it, and then you wonder: "What's that about? This is really not a big deal!"

On a personal level, dealing with change is just as unpredictable. Similarly to the loss acceptance process, when dealing with change our emotions jump quite unexpectedly from anger/frustration/resistance, (back) to denial, and then possibly to moments of complete acceptance and participation within the change. Then again to the sadness/depression/disengagement state. And that is okay.

I could share with you lots of stories of how different organisations approached changes such as new IT systems, different tendering strategies, sections in a business becoming cost centres, management shuffles, restructuring, etc. etc. To spot the change around us is not that difficult. To understand and see where you are deep within the change, now that my friend, is a different story. Because if you could just see it, you could manage the change 'pain'. 

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V    

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Gripping stuff, I tell ya!

When I hit my lowest of lows in my parenting 'career' earlier this week, I started thinking about purpose and passion. I absolutely totally love, love, love my kids. Please do not get me wrong. I just know that parenting is not where I do my best work.

I am not even sure purpose is a prerequisite to proper parenting. So I must admit I do feel highly intimidated and pretty useless when I see and listen how some other people do it. These are mostly moms that have chosen parenting as their thing - they are passionate about it (I mean you can hear it in the way they debate and talk about stuff that can just not hold my attention) and they see it as their life purpose. Awesome!

Personally, being a mom is part of my identity, but my personal vision holds more than that. I believe there are reasons for our existence. A contribution to be made. What exactly this looks like, changes, but the direction is clear. As clear as I am hoping my morning flight's female pilot is about our destination. Still not an everyday career for a woman, I am sure she had to overcome countless challenges to live her passion and make her personal vision a reality.

I had an amazing 'bon voyage lunch' yesterday with a long term client on her way to Geneva. Set to influence large scale international environmental and political challenges. Living her passion and purpose, another step in realising her personal vision.

It is not just the girls that ponder on this, and refocus their efforts. I see it daily, phenomenal male business leaders, engineers, writers, you name it - checking that they are still personal purpose driven and at the end of the day making a difference. Contributing. What this picture entails is what I find fascinating. The individual's end goal and total beingness and how that fits the business vision and organisational mix, I love that. Being able to influence that is where I contribute, and get my kick, my fix. Now that to me is gripping stuff, my passion, my thing. What is yours?

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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Level up!

Consulting in the OD (organisation development) space automatically implies talking about learning and personal growth opportunities, development areas, sometimes studying. In general: bettering yourself. Looking at ways to increase and improve your contribution, and of course weighing up your contribution and what it is worth.

If someone indicates that he/she is keen to formally study something, whether it is a diploma, certificate or degree of some sort, I am always keen to understand why? What is the motivation behind this? Is it an ego thing, or self-confidence issue – meaning this person needs to have the qualification to feel heard, or validated or to be able to intimidate? Or what is the real need behind it?

On the other hand, if the person is not keen to study, or do a course or training, or any sort of self-development, I find it even more challenging! What is the motive here? Does this person honestly think he/she knows enough, sufficiently, everything there is to know? If so, there is an even bigger ‘ego thing’ at play, or self-confidence issue brewing.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not implying that we all need to continuously attend courses, seminars or workshop, left right and centre. I just think, be open to a learning opportunity – whatever the format.

Obviously there are also levels, or depths of learning, to consider as this influence the contribution. At the end of the day it is the application of the learning that is critical. What sometimes scares me is when I see very senior people in organisations firstly not being open to learning, and secondly not being able to use the learning. The person would pass the recollection or recognition phase, and even the comprehension and understanding phase of learning, but that is it. No application. No further thought.  No contribution. And that is just sad, and if I may – a waste. Even more so if there is so much potential or talent to contribute.

The irony is that the contribution/creative/innovative phase is available or open for all, but it takes something else than perceived intelligence. So it is not just about the course, or MBA, or PhD. I like what Albert Einstein said: “Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think.”

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V

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