Getting back in the game

When I just read the heading of the previous blog (Getting your wings) I found the whole situation very ironic. Very shortly after that blog our transforming butterfly baby girl took the flying concept a little far as she launched herself from a balcony at our home.

This very traumatic event shocked and served as a massive wake-up call for not only our own family, but anyone that heard of the accident. Miraculously, apart from a few bruises and scratches, after every conceivable test or scan she was declared as 'perfectly fine'. Now, after a couple of weeks, only emotional scars are visible on the rest of the family.

Yesterday evening when my mom was visiting, our 3 year old, out of the blue, mid-sentence, mid-story, pointing at his sister commented: "Ouma, you know, she fell very high."

All of us have been dealing with this event in our own way, trying to make sense of it and working through an interesting variety of emotions. Personally I found it exceptionally challenging to let go of (at least some of) the guilt, and the acceptance of this bit of baggage that is now part of my 'make-up'/being.

Although I know, on an intellectual, rational level that it is time to 'move on' or get back into the game, I carry this piece of baggage quite heavily. To such an extent that talking, and now writing about it is still a struggle.

Shortly after the traumatic event, during a visualisation exercise in the yoga class, brilliant Beryl (the teacher) used the picture of 'growing' wings and when trying to fly you have to let go of a box you were not realising you were holding on to. In the visualisation the baggage you were holding on to were holding you back, and the moment you dropped it, your life is so much easier, lighter. For quite some time I did not realise that my box was the shame and guilt, holding me back.

In my consulting work I often see how people are not fully developing their own potential, because they (not the people around them) are not okay with their past experience. They are often ashamed of or not forgiving themselves for anything from a failing marriage to an unfortunate upbringing.

Accepting our own baggage/pain/stuff is an on-going process, whether we like it or not. Sitting on the bench, serves no one. We have to get back in the game, as tough as it sometimes can be, and play. Fully play.

You can do the Individual Assessment (Motto tool) on our website http://goo.gl/UhC7V if you want to get some self-awareness on what is holding you back in living your best life.