Being difficult

This week I learnt a not-so-nice lesson about myself - I cannot stop myself from challenging solutions imposed. Unfortunately this is not an ideal quality considering the consulting space I operate in. Partly my rebellious nature of not just 'taking' a solution or plan, and partly my pressing need to HAVE to think about the issue myself forces me to start asking questions. I suppose often irritating, maybe even intimidating and uncomfortable questions. Of course this does not mean that I may come up with a better solution or idea, I just have this pressing need to understand, or okay then, challenge the solution. Test it, so to speak.

My 3 year old's mantra is "Don't tell me!" He also does not want to be told what to do. The people close to us found interesting ways to 'tell' us - to ensure our buy-in. My all-time favourite mommy-trick is giving the two (solutions) options: "Are you wearing the green or blue top?" Or my husband's 'question' most evenings: "Do you want to bath the kids or make dinner?" Very sly, but effective. We feel not only consulted, but as if we had a choice, we were not told what needs to happen.

Which brings me to my "a-ha" moment. I experienced one of the most frustrating, uncomfortable and embarrassing meetings earlier this week. In my consulting career I have experienced a variety of, let's call them 'uniquely challenging', clients and consulting colleagues. I suspect that this severe sense of dread was most likely only my experience, as the present management team and other consultants seemed quite used to the inappropriate, almost emotionally abusive behaviour of the client.

When reflecting on the meeting, I realised why it was such a horrible experience for me. I was not allowed the space to contribute, question, 'be difficult'. We were 'told'.

Without saying it, the client basically told all of us present to not think, or challenge the solutions given. I know in having to live your best life, one of the key skills to realise your unique personal vision is to be able to challenge solutions and think more. Your self-perception of this skill is also measured by the Motto Individual Assessment http://goo.gl/J4jfg on our website.

Feeling looked after

All of us want to feel 'looked after'.

I see this so often, especially in the consulting work that I do. Recently I sat in a meeting at a client where staff losses were discussed. The topic came up because a smart and talented, maybe a little arrogant, young man resigned.

I did not get the sense that management or any of his colleagues saw this coming. In the exit interview he suggested that he did not really have a future in the company and his interests or opinions were not valued. At this point you may think, "Ah yes, he is arrogant." The irony is, in all the research (with Motto Survey tool) that I do at various clients, this issue for staff comes up without fail. They do not feel 'looked after'. They want their voices to be heard in the organisation, and they want to know where they are going in their careers.

When I share this staff need with management they generally get very irritated - "What, so I have to stroke their ego's now?!" or "Nobody asks me 'Dear Mr MD, are you feeling stimulated, rewarded and valued?' Oh no, I just have to get on with it!"

In my opinion we have to take full responsibility for our own careers, sense of belonging and personal development, so I get the frustration of my MD friend completely. Unfortunately that does not take away that 'looked after' need.

Early on in my relationship with my husband we agreed that when I felt vulnerable and had the need to feel (extra!) adored, I would tell him. So every now and then I would ask, "Darling, so tell me how pretty am I?" and then I would enjoy being soaked with compliments. Arrogant? No way! Being looked after.

The same strategy could work in terms of this 'looked after' or support need. This concept of empowering ourselves with the necessary support systems in our lives is one of the elements of the Motto Model http://goo.gl/cNnpy  that we need to put in place in realising our personal vision.

Missing "L's" and 

other serious stuff

Lying awake last night after repeatedly singing Barney's "I love you, you love me" song in the middle of the night, (apologies to everyone that knows this song, and will now also be singing it the entire day...), I realised how I cannot take myself too seriously.

I had one of those moments where you watch the scene as if you are in your own movie. We are doing our own version of 'sleep training' and the only way we could calm our baby girl down, was to sing THAT song, over and over.

Earlier the day I had another "You must be kidding me"-moment.

I am running a public workshop with a friend and colleague, Jeremy Barty, later this month. A staff member had to post the flyer for this workshop on our website's social media backlink. This feeds into our Motto Facebook page, my LinkedIn network, my twitter account and my personal Facebook friends. Basically sending it to everyone I know.

The flyer post should have read "Join our public workshop.", but instead the critical "L" in "public" was not there...

The first phone call was from my husband, also receiving the social media feed. I was driving on my way to a client and had to pull over, laughing. Seriously?

In my line of work, consulting, we (the consultants, HR people, management) can take ourselves so seriously. When something like this happens, you have to re-assess your own positioning and how you see yourself. Will I be okay, regardless of what others will say or how embarrassing the moment might be?

This is the kind of self awareness creating questions that the Motto Individual Assessment tool looks at and one if the themes we will be tackling in our workshop. I hope you will be able to join us. I promise that the “L” will be solidly in place!

Link to the workshop flyer: http://goo.gl/BmFjo