Comprende?

A few years ago my (then bachelor) brother brought his flavour of the month girlfriend to one of our kids' birthday parties. She was an absolutely gorgeous Argentinean babe. I could only imagine how uncomfortable she must have felt - in a foreign country, different culture, fresh relationship, surrounded by hordes of screaming little people high on sugar. As hostess I took it upon myself to make her feel at home. Midway into our conversation my husband took me aside and reminded me that I can not speak Spanish...

This is true. In my sincere effort to make our guest feel welcome I adopted a very strong Spanish accent, unknowingly of course.

One of my boys have the same 'gift'. When he talks to his little sister, he uses the same technique in trying to help her feel heard - changing tone and bending words. She loves playing with him, because he gets her.

We all have ways to make each other feel listened to. The reality is that listening is really hard work. If I have to facilitate complex and intense conflict situations I know that I am going to be completely exhausted/out-of-it/brain-dead afterwards.

When we listen, the actual hearing of the spoken words is just a tiny part of the message, and this makes listening incredibly challenging. I so understand why people 'tune out' or rush the talker with staccato like yes's. Unfortunately that does not take away how the other person feels while sharing what they feel is important enough to share with you.

Personally, getting this right is always a challenge. I know my thoughts are often too noisy to hear anything. I suppose listening is not something we can achieve. It is a verb, on-going action. We might have moments of hearing, truly getting the intended messages - the rest of the time we have to work at it.

Motto Model: http://goo.gl/cNnpy and Motto Individual Assessment: http://goo.gl/UhC7V
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