Filling the bucket

I have a client that is currently dealing with difficult personal challenges. At the same time the business is also going through major change. Although these changes are all very positive and exciting it is never the less exceptionally taxing on the owner, my client.

As much as we like to think we can compartmentalize our lives, the reality is that all of our life 'compartments' tap into the same emotional energy source. I like to call it the emotion bucket.

We fill our buckets with good, positive, nurturing emotions. After throwing a little tantrum on our way to school, I had to explain the emotion bucket concept to my kids. Please note: I threw the tantrum, not the kids.

My bucket was empty. We had a 'challenging' morning, I had to cope with normal mommy morning stuff. The depletion of the bucket was accelerated by lack of sleep and being aware of the waiting workload. An insignificant thing like realising I forgot to return a rented DVD pushed me into an 'empty bucket state'.

During a session with the client I mentioned earlier, it became clear that this person was not allowing herself any opportunity to 'refill' her bucket. She was only focussing on working harder, doing more. Not making time for nurturing, resting, thinking, dreaming and all the other things that help fill our buckets.

Sometimes we only need to become aware of how we are coping (or not coping) to be able to start making life changes. Our self perception measurement tool would do this for you. It gives clear feedback on elements such as this that could be holding you back in life. Have a look on our website http://goo.gl/UhC7V.

To be or not to be

Today, when I was driving home with the kids in the car, I overheard a conversation between my Grade 1 and Grade 2 boys. The older brother was explaining to the younger (devastated!) brother why it is okay not to be chosen for the athletics team. "Some kids are fast and others are brainy".

I had to laugh. And for the record, that is not something we teach our kids, even though neither my husband nor I will call ourselves 'fast' or 'runners', and quite often I don't feel particularly 'brainy' either.

My son has figured out a way to be okay with what he has got to work with, whether his labelling is accurate or not.

Personally it took me a very long time to be okay with who I am, accepting what I have to work with. I remember how I struggled to conform and my 'otherwise' nature often caused me (or my parents) great frustration or discomfort.

Now, many years later, and lots of self-doubt moments in-between, I know that this questioning and even rebellious nature is part of who I am. And I like it. I am very comfortable with it, and I believe it is partly the reason why I know I am successful as a consultant.

Please allow me to put this "being okay-ness" in context to the Motto model I developed. Being proud of who you are forms part of what we call your 'Internal product' or 'Personal offering' construct. If you are not okay or not proud of yourself, this element will hold you back on your life journey of realising your personal vision. As I always mention, the Individual Assessment tool measures all of the elements that relates to this and you can find it on our website at http://goo.gl/UhC7V.

Speaking your mind

Some people struggle to say what they feel or think. They hold back. They do not share their emotions.

This is something my 3 year old son and I cannot do. We have to express ourselves. Our challenge lies in identifying the true feeling we need to express.

Recently I read that often the emotion 'anger' can be a mask for another underlying emotion, or true feeling. Initially when I read it I did not completely 'get' it until I woke up one morning being very angry with everyone and everything in my household. Dare I say irrational?! When I started talking to my husband about what was 'wrong', none of the issues were really issue-enough to be that angry.

Then I realised that I had anxiety and fear about something completely non-related to my reasons for my burst of 'anger'.

Similarly my 3 year old has also been very angry lately, and sometimes even aggressive. When we started looking at what the 'true feelings' were that he needed to recognise we realised that he was struggling to find the words or to see the emotions he is suppressing. We can see that my dear son feels excluded from the big brothers' play, he feels jealous of his incredibly cute baby sister and possibly a little anxious about starting at a new pre-school.

Both of us opted to express the 'angry' feeling, and not the true feeling. We can assert ourselves wonderfully (or not so wonderfully...) when we talk about the frustrations related to being angry. We really struggle to express our true feelings. And those are the ones all of us need to get out more often.

It is difficult to see when your perceptions about your own behaviour is not a reflexion of the reality. The mindset measurement tool we have on our website, http://goo.gl/UhC7V , can help you see where you might be holding yourself back on your journey to living your best life.